Just Another Cycle

The Story of My Life

2010-06-08T22:02:00.002-04:00

It's a no.

Story of my life.

I started bleeding on Saturday and I knew it didn't work right away. I don't know how, but I just knew. Then it got worse on Sunday and I really knew.

So I went in for my beta today and they confirmed that it was a negative. My doctor was supposed to call me to let me know what he thinks, next steps, etc. and he never called. Even he doesn't know what to say.

I was really, really down about all this Saturday, Sunday and Monday but I'm feeling a little better today. I think I'm just turned around now - where I used to believe with all my heart that I would become a mom eventually, I am now not so sure and I'm not even sure I want to put myself through all of this too much longer, it's so hard.

But I'll wait to see what the doctor says. I'm going to ask if I can have some tests or another Lap done to see if I have scar tissue causing a problem since I know my lining is always an issue and with everything I have had done, it's a big possibility that it is causing a problem.

Right now though I'm just going to try to get back to normal and enjoy the summer.

Just Waiting

2010-06-01T21:56:00.002-04:00

Today is 5dp3dt and I am trying to not pay attention to any "symptoms". I know from experience that the only symptoms that mean anything is the absence of AF. The good thing is that AF usually comes really early for me if it didn't work, way before BETA, so at least my wait shouldn't be a full 2 weeks. Last time AF showed up on 9dp3dt, so if I'm not spotting by this weekend it should be a good sign.

My bb's are really sore though (started a day or so ago) and I do have a lot of noticeable cramping going on, but I'm thinking the progesterone is wreaking havoc with me a bit right now. I've also been waking up sweating the past few mornings, which I am also attributing to the progesterone.

Acupuncture appointment again tomorrow (also went this past Sunday, it was good but I was wide awake this time, couldn't relax like I usually do) and that is the only appointment planned for the week. Amazing, only 1 appointment, what am I going to do with myself?

Anyway, not much else is going on right now, just waiting to get through this week!

Transfer Day!

2010-05-27T20:35:00.006-04:00

Today was the transfer and we transferred.........

4

8-9 cell embryos!

I am a little nervous about transferring that many but my doc suggested it due to my age, my uterine issues and the fact that even though they were 8-9 celled, they weren't perfect with some definite fragments. But I'm feeling good that maybe one will decide to stay since 1 or 2 of em looked pretty good overall.

I'll be home all weekend long. I was supposed to go camping with a whole bunch of friends that I haven't seen in awhile but had to pass because I'm not taking any chances this time. If I don't exert myself too much, eat right, and just plain do everything I can and it still doesn't work then at least I'll know I did everything I could.

But for right now, I have 4 potential babies in me, looking to burrough in, how exciting!

Quick Cycle Update

2010-05-25T21:54:00.003-04:00

Gosh, things have been so busy lately - work, doctor & acupuncture appointments, traveling, house stuff, etc. but I am usually good about posting during a cycle. My bad, it's just been difficult to find time and when I do have an hour or so at night before bed I just want to zone out and watch Idol.

Anyway, things with my cycle have been going good. To summarize, I stimmed for 10 days (1 day longer than last time) and retrieval was yesterday (Monday) morning. This time they found my veins right away (thank goodness!) and the doctor was able to get 12 eggs, which he was pleasantly surprised about. He expected around 10 so he even whispered to DH that he was very happy at the outcome.

Today I received the fertilization report and 7 eggs were fertilized and for now things are looking good. At first I was a little disappointed with that number but then I realized that we were saying we would be happy if 8 eggs were extracted, so the fact that we still got 7 eggs to fertilize are pretty good odds.

We are just hoping that 3 or 4 develop into viable embryos. Transfer is scheduled for Thursday morning and I'll have acupuncture afterwards. In fact, I have an acupuncture appointment tomorrow along with a massage after that so I'm hoping to be uber relaxed for the transfer.

I was supposed to go camping with some friends this weekend that I haven't seen or camped with in a very long time but I'm not going now since I don't want to over-exert myself or think "what if I didn't go". I am really bummed about it but I know the sacrafice has to be made to give ourselves the best chances and know that I have done everything I can do.

I'll write on Thursday after the transfer - please keep me & my embies in your thoughts, I can use all the help I can get!! :)

Back and On Track

2010-05-12T22:30:00.003-04:00

I know it's been awhile since I've written. Heck, it's been quite a long time actually. After the failed IVF I just had some major soul searching to do and it's taken me the last few weeks to get in a better place.

DH and I have been fighting a bit, mostly because of me bringing up things with infertility. It has just seemed like we haven't been on the same page about anything related to IF - when to do another one, what our limits are for how much and how long we want to try, etc. I don't think I've mentioned this before, but even though DH has an adopted sister, he is very against adoption for us, egg donor, or trying anything that won't result in our own genetic baby. I understand this but don't feel the same way so it's been really difficult.

Well we finally had a long talk about it the other night and we finally are on the same page about things. He didn't cave in on everything but I don't expect him to change his mind or the way he is, I just want to feel like we both understand each other and that is what we accomplished. We will give it our all as we have been doing until we feel that we have tried everything we are able or willing to do emotionally and financially. I just like to try to plan everything out and know what's coming next so I don't feel so defeated if IVF doesn't work.

CD 1 came on Monday and I had my day 3 baseline U/S and blood work today. FSH is still 4.7, which I'm really happy about, and ovaries were quiet so I got the green light to start doing injections and my V.iagra suppos.itories for a quick IVF cycle. (No birth control first, yay!) Next appointment is Monday morning.

I can't believe we are doing this again, already, but I am hopeful - not as positive as a first IVF, but still cautiously optimistc. The worse that can happen is a negative which would put me right back where I am now, right?

An answer and plans

2010-04-13T22:36:00.004-04:00

Well, I was able to get my beta moved up from Thursday to Tuesday (today). I went in at 9 am for my blood draw (which took 2 people and 3 needle pricks, my veins are really fussy lately!) and by 11 am I had a phone call.

It was a negative, just as I thought.

The nurse sounded sadder than me on the phone and said she was really sorry, I can stop the progesterone right away. (Thank goodness! It is so strange taking progesterone when I have my period) I absolutely knew that it was negative and already mourned this past weekend. DH was really great about it all, he was very supportive and told me I didn't disappoint him and that it isn't my fault. I am so lucky to have him and realize it more every day through this IF hell.

About 2 hours later, Dr RE called me, that was surprising. He said he was really sorry to hear it didn't work and that he had high hopes for us. He reviewed everything and said that all of the eggs fertilized well, the embies transferred were developed to 8 cell and 10 cell and looked good but that at my age there could have been egg issues plus my past uterine problems would not have helped. He said he wouldn't really change any of our protocol and asked me a question or two about how regular my cycles have been.

He then said we wouldn't need to do birth control if we wanted to do another one right away and that I should call on my next day 1 and they can schedule an u/s to make sure my ovaries are quiet. If they are we can start again right away. That would put another retrieval and transfer around the end of May and would be much shorter since I wouldn't have to go through 3 weeks of birth control first.

Of course, I want to do it but we are waiting to see how much this first IVF will cost after insurance, which is taking a long time to process. Luckily I called today and they said they have 30 days to process the claims which means we will see what was covered by the end of this month, just in time to decide if we will be able to afford another IVF so soon.

Otherwise, we will probably aim for Aug/Sept so we can try to get at least one more IVF in before the end of the year. (My work gets too busy from Oct - Dec for me to take a lot of time off)

I'm feeling a little better today about things, just trying to look on the bright side instead of the dark side and keep believing that this will work for us eventually, we just have to keep fighting for it.

9dp3dt

2010-04-10T11:38:00.002-04:00

The past few days have been interesting - to say the least. I go from thinking maybe I'm pregnant for one minute to thinking I'm probably not the very next.

I've had some "symptoms" that seem like obvious pregnancy symptoms but I know they could be from the extra hormones. (Does progesterone make smells stronger because that is one that is really noticeable, smells are SO strong right now!)

But yesterday I started spotting slightly. It was very slight and very pink and I had period like cramps too. I've been exhausted lately, I can't stay up past 10 or 11 pm the past few days and I usually stay up a little later, even during the week.

Then this morning I woke up to more spotting than yesterday - still not period-like bleeding, but definitely heavier than yesterday. And it was more red than yesterday, which has had me in tears this morning, thinking there's no chance now, here comes AF.

Luckily the internet has all types of stories to help ease your mind. I was able to find stories of bleeding around the same time as now and it working. In fact, I found out that some people wish for bleeding! How crazy is that?

Well, it eased my mind a bit anyway.

I haven't tested yet but really wanted to this morning. I'm going to try to wait it out until tomorrow at least though so I don't get a false negative, plus DH was out of town yesterday and won't be back until later today. I'd hate to test and have it be good news and him not be here for that plus if it's bad news I'll need him too.

I can't believe how much harder the 2WW is for an IVF cycle versus an IUI cycle. With IUI's, I always knew we could always do another one, there was another chance that wouldn't cost a fortune or take up a ton of time. With this it seems so final (even though we know we will probably try at least one more if needed) and sad that 3 nice looking and developing embryos may not have made it. I also don't know how much more of this I can take, each disappointment makes me think I should just give it up.

Hopefully I won't have to give up hope but the next few days should tell how much hope is left in this cycle.

I don't know how to feel about all this

2010-04-06T22:13:00.004-04:00

I really don't know how I'm feeling right now. One minute I'm feeling good about things and another minute I'm not.

I thought I was holding it together, but tonight I am feeling really roller-coaster-y, going from feeling fine to wanting to cry over nothing. Then I get nervous that this isn't a pregnancy symptom and that this cycle isn't going to work and that makes me more upset. Then I feel fine again.

Yeah, so all kinds of emotions going on here! Hopefully it's a good thing but time will tell.

I've had some slight cramps the past few days, a sore throat, super duper thirsty and stuffy but the one "symptom" that really seems strange is that yesterday afternoon out of nowhere I had pimples/a rash/bumps on my stomach. My acupuncturist went to put a needle right there today and she said that it is right on my "conception line". I've heard that a sign or symptom of pregnancy could be a rash on the chest or stomach, have any of you heard of this as well, or even had it yourself?

None of our 6 embies made it to blast/freeze, I just found out yesterday. It was a bit disappointing and it was like my security blanket was taken away. Now if this cycle doesn't work it means I have to do it all over again in another IVF. But DH & I are also intrigued that 6 out of 9 didn't make it and it could explain why all those IUI's didn't work. We're just hoping that at least one of the 3 beautiful embies stuck and continues to be sticky. Time will tell, only 9 more days until my official blood test - ugh!

Trying to stay busy and positive, that's all I can do right now!

3dp3dt

2010-04-04T21:08:00.002-04:00

I hope everyone had a good Easter, or weekend if you don't celebrate. I had a nice and relaxing 4 day weekend, not doing much at all which was really nice. DH & I made a big meal today to celebrate, it was yummy. We will have leftovers every night for the next week since we made a lot for just the two of us.

We finally got the picture of our little embies scanned in. I think they are beautiful but then again, I'm biased!

Here they are:

I have just been exhausted the past day or so, I can't get enough sleep. Took a 2 hour nap yesterday and this afternoon too, plus I'm getting a decent amount at night. Pregnant or not, I'm sure my body needs it after the past few weeks. No real symptoms yet although I've felt a few slight twinges. Of course I'm paying much closer attention to that than ever before, but we'll see if that continues or increases in the next few days.

Transfer!!

2010-04-02T10:35:00.003-04:00

The transfer was yesterday morning.

We had 3 beautiful "above average" embryos, they were almost at blast stage, I think my doc said they were around 10 cell already. All 3 were transferred.

The other 6 were still progressing but were definitely behind these 3. So they are going to follow them and they will call me on Monday (since Sunday is a holiday) to let me know if they made it to freeze. I'm kind of anxious to see if we get any to freeze but on the other hand I'm just happy that we had exactly 3 that were progressing so well.

I saw my acupuncturist after the transfer and took it pretty easy the rest of the day, like they suggested. I can resume normal activity today and my doc even told me that I should try to stay busy so I don't spend the two weeks wondering if it took - yeah, like I won't anyway!

They gave us the petri dish the embryos were in (if it's the real one although it looks like it) and a photo of our little embies. I'm going to have DH scan in the photo this weekend so I can post it here, I was hoping to do it last night but didn't get around to it. So I'll post that soon!

The entire transfer and the emotional high DH and I were on yesterday was totally worth this entire process so far, it's more hope and excitement than I have felt over this in a very long time. Now comes the hard part, the wait and see. I've been waiting for 3 years already so what's another 13 days anyway?

Fertilization Report

2010-03-30T21:52:00.002-04:00

So, my doctor's office called me this morning and gave me the news........

We had 9 eggs fertilize! Yippee!

Transfer is likely to be on Thursday since they like to see 10 or more if they are going to go to blast, but there is still a chance that some may start looking good enough to hold off to blast. So we just have to pretty much be ready for anything and on Thursday morning the doctor's office will call us by 8:30 if we will be holding off until Saturday for blast/day 5 transfer.

I am feeling a bit better today. I went back to work and luckily I didn't have a lot of meetings or anything going on to where I had to walk a lot. But sitting too long didn't really do me any good either because everytime I got up to walk somewhere, it felt like my ovaries were outside my body. If I walked too hard or too fast I felt like they were wiggling around. What a weird feeling. But as time goes on it is getting better so hopefully it's not OHSS.

Tomorrow is an acupuncture appointment and I'm hoping to maybe get another update on my little embies. Grow strong embies, grow!

Fingers crossed that this is my year to get pregnant!

Retrieval was today..

2010-03-29T19:40:00.004-04:00

And it went pretty well overall! It was raining here and it took us a bit longer to get to the doctor's office than we expected. (We had to be there by 7:15 a.m.) We were about 8 minutes late, not a great start but I was already on a V.alium and didn't really care.

Then the nurse couldn't find a vein to co-operate. She tried in my left arm and when that didn't work, she moved to my right arm which is usually better but even that wasn't working. So another nurse helped and was able to get it up by my hand pretty quickly, thank goodness.

I was brought into the retrieval room pretty quickly after that and everyone made me feel pretty comfortable. Then they gave me the extra meds and wow was everything blurry & I was feeling really good. I remember some of the procedure but it was very fuzzy and I just remember the doctor (my doctor is on vacation this week, I had his partner take care of me, who is also very good) saying afterwards that I did very good.

We retrieved 12 eggs! Not too bad. We were hoping for 10-15 so we were really happy with those results.

Afterwards I was feeling okay but quite dizzy & slow. I went home & slept for 3 hours like it was nothing and have just been relaxing the rest of the day, DH has been waiting on me and getting me things which is really nice. :)

Tomorrow is back to work for me, I have a short but busy week, but I'm looking forward to a call from the embryologists tomorrow morning to let us know how our eggs are doing. We are doing assisted hatching and ICSI so hopefully we will have at least half fertilize & progress well.

Fingers crossed that this is my year to get pregnant!

Doctors, needles and candles, oh my!

2010-03-25T22:39:00.005-04:00

It's been a busy week - so far I've had 2 RE appointments, an acupuncture appointment and my power went out at home one night for a few hours. (Our whole block went out, a transformer probably blew) And the week isn't even over yet. At least it hasn't been boring!

So, I have a couple of updates.

On Monday, I went to Dr RE and had my first U/S and blood screen after starting my shots. The U/S went well, my lining looked really good and my doctor was pleased with how it was coming along so far. My follicles looked good too - on the right side I had 6 @ 8-9 mm and 1 @ 11 already. On the left I had 4 @ 9 and 2 @ 6-7. So, 13 already! Dr RE told me to continue my shots but to take an additional G.anarelix shot on Wednesday which prevents the LH surge, since 1 follie was growing pretty fast.

When my blood test results came in, my doctor's office called me and told me to lower my F.ollistim shot to 100 IU on Tues & Weds, so my E2 levels must have been just a bit elevated. (I forgot to ask what the # was) Not a big change since it's just 25 IU's less than what I was taking.

So I went back to Dr RE today for another U/S and bloodwork. The U/S went well, Dr RE even showed me the "good part" of my lining, it is still looking really good. (Thank you V.iagra, it's worth taking it 4 times a day!) My follicles still look good, still around 13 of them from what we could see, and at least 2 follicles were at 15 mm already.

So, retrieval is set for Monday. I continue taking my shots tonight & tomorrow, then trigger is on Saturday night. I have to be at the doctor's office by 7:15 am on Monday, so early but worth it. Transfer should be on Thursday but may not be until Saturday if they decide to let them go to blast.

I also have a pre-retrieval acupuncture appointment on Saturday and then I'll have one on Wednesday and another one the day of transfer. Every little bit helps!

I'm feeling good about all this and really can't wait to get through the next week to find out how it all goes. Pregnancy test will be on April 15th. Tax day can't come soon enough.

Fingers crossed that this is my year to get pregnant!

Feeling like Spring in many ways...

2010-03-21T23:05:00.005-04:00

It was a beautiful weekend here. High 60's and even low 70's for a bit on Saturday, it was much needed. It was so nice just being able to open my windows and relax listening to the sounds of spring - birds chirping, dogs barking and kids in the neighborhood playing outside. I just love this time of year!

Last Monday my appointment with Dr RE went well. My ovaries were quiet and I was told to stop taking the bc pill and start my shots on Thursday. 125 IU Follistim and 75 IU Menopaur, mixed together in one shot. My doctor also put me on Via.gra suppositories during the same time as the shots (4 times a day!) and the nurse almost forgot to put that on my calendar - I had to ask her about it and she verified with Dr RE that I was supposed to take it. Nothing like me telling the nurses what I'm supposed to be doing!

The shots are going okay. The amount of liquid in these shots is a lot more than what I'm used to but I've found that if I'm just slow on dispensing the shot it isn't too bad. The most time consuming part is mixing everything together and getting it into the syringe. Even the suppositories aren't too bad but 4 times a day really stinks! Totally worth it though if it helps my lining.

My next appointment is tomorrow (Monday the 22nd) and we'll do bloodwork and an U/S to see how things are coming along. Hopefully there will be some nice follies starting to develop. Acupuncture appointment is Tuesday too - that is going okay but Dr A is concerned since my imbalance keeps acting like it's trying to come back. I don't know about that, but I have definitely had more energy lately, a lot more, and am feeling pretty good. Still feeling positive about everything too, but we'll see how things go in this next week or so.

Retreival and transfer should be sometime the week of the 29th as long as things keep moving along nicely.

Fingers crossed that this is my year to get pregnant!

Hanging on but feeling good

2010-03-13T22:01:00.004-05:00

On Monday I was so excited for my doctor appointment, I was so ready to get this IVF thing going.

Well, Dr RE started the wand magic and my right ovary looked good, it was ready to go. Then he went over to the left side and I saw this large, perfectly round circle. Which in most cycles I would be very happy to see, but in this case it was not a pretty site. Dr RE said "do you see that?" and I said "yes, I do, shoot!". He said it isn't that unusual, "that's why we do these early U/S's" and that my ovary is still enlarged, probably just leftover from last month.

So he said I should stay on the bc pill for another week and come back in a week, next Monday (this coming Monday now). So it's been a long week of just waiting to see if this comes to fruition after all.

I had my acupuncture session on Tuesday and it went pretty well. I told Dr A about how my one side has been opposite of the other side and one has usually been slower than the other in the past year, so she did a treatment to get me "centered" again.

So I have almost identical appointments this coming week - Dr RE on Monday and Dr A on Tuesday again. I just hope the results are overall better this week.

The good news is that I've been slightly spotting the past few days now so I am pretty sure that's a sign that things are adjusting. And, the best news of all is that I've lost 7 pounds in the past 2 weeks! I think it's from a few things - my giving up of most coffee/soda, eating better (Dr A has me on a high protein, low dairy diet which is difficult at times but I'm able to have anything in moderation), walking for 20 minutes a day 3 times a week, and the thyroid medication. Dr RE even told me that a side effect of the thyroid medication is for me to lose weight since my metabolism should speed up. Finally, a decent metabolism!

So, I'm still hanging on to see what's next but overall I'm feeling pretty good about the weight loss and extra energy. I'm also a lot more positive about things now than I was 2-3 weeks ago too which feels good after the slump I was in. Hopefully the actual process will start soon, while I'm feeling good!

Update coming next week, hopefully with news that it's officially begun........

From overwhelmed to hopeful

2010-02-28T22:02:00.003-05:00

There is so much going on lately that I can't even get the energy to write anymore. And my (new) acupuncturist would agree that I don't have the energy.

I know I haven't written in awhile now (although I continue to read blogs) and haven't really talked about my IVF journey so far, so I'll try to fit in as much as I can here about what we've gone through up to this point.

IVF diary so far:

Jan. 25

Doctor consult to discuss next steps.
Dr RE says that we might have better luck with IVF (about 42% chance) talks about meds & process, etc. Also says my lining has not been that great and that because of my history, we might want to consider surrogacy as a next step after IVF. Or another surgery / LAP/ HSG before that but he is hesitant to scar up my uterus anymore than it is already. Overall we feel good but a little surprised by the push for surrogacy. Gave us prescription for birth control pills (to start on next CD3) and antibiotics which we will take at the same time as each other for 10 days. He also says that he will transfer 3 embryos due to my age & history.

Feb. 12

IVF Education day. Antagonist protocol. Get lists of medications, example of how to mix up meds (Folli.stim and Men.opur), will be on ganirelix, tetracycline, etc. and viagra suppositories and progesterone for the last half of cycle. (I think there are a few others I'm missing too, I'll list them when I get them)

Feb. 17

CD 1! I am actually pretty happy about it for once. Called and made appointment for CD 3, Friday.

Feb. 18

DH & I start our antibiotics - 1 pill each twice a day.

Feb. 19

CD 3. Go in for blood tests (HIV, FSH, thyroid, etc.) DH's S-Anaysis came back showing low count (10 mil) and low morphology (rated a 2), plus 50% motility. Dr RE recommends ICSI. Start birth control pills. (Now I am up to 2 antibiotic pills each day plus bc pill, plus pre-natal vitamin and baby aspirin)

Feb. 20

1st acupuncture appointment. Reviewed anything and everything and Dr A does "pulses" and "5 element" acupuncture. She says my left pulse is one of the lowest she has ever felt. After feeling my right one, she says I have "husband/wife" syndrome where one half takes on everything and depletes the other side of energy. Dr. G.oogle told me today that it can be caused by chronic stress or acute crises. Not a surprise to me at all, my life has been full of this. Had a 20 minute session to bring all of my emotions to surface and it wiped me out! She said I will feel out of balance/extra sleepy/hungry or not at all for the next few days. She was right, I'm extra tired/emotional/loopy.

Feb. 22

Dr RE's office called and asked if I have ever been on thyroid medication. I said no, never. They said they will talk to the Dr and will call me back. I called them back after not hearing from them and they are putting my blood through more specific thyroid tests and will get back to me in the next day or so. I also asked them what my FSH level was and she said it was good, a 4.7. At least I have one thing in my favor!

Feb. 23

My 38th birthday! 2nd acupuncture appointment. Dr.A said that my pulses feel a bit better and I should continue walking and up my protein intake. I should eat a full egg every other day. I like eggs but that is a lot! She conducted a diagnostic test with needles in my back to see which areas reacted to them. Not surprisingly, my digestive and reproductive areas reacted the most so I spent about 30 minutes with the needles in. On my way out of the office and back to work, I get a call from Dr RE's office saying my tests came back showing that I have sub-clinical hypothyroidism, a very slight case so nothing to worry about but since I'm trying to get pregnant I'll need to go on 50 mg pills right away. Picked up prescription.

Feb. 24

Started taking synthroid pill in the morning along with antibiotic twice a day, birth control pill, pre-natal vitamin and baby aspirin.

Feb. 27

Had another acupuncturist appointment. Dr A felt my pulses and said she was very pleased with them, said my energy block is gone! She gushed about how happy she was about it a few times during our session, I was very happy. She just wants me to continue with my "homework" (walking, eating more protein, sleeping more) and doesn't need to see me for another 10 days. I'm feeling really good and almost back to my normal self. Take my last antibiotic pill!

March 8th is the scheduled doctor appointment where we will decide when to start injections. And March 9th is my next acupuncture appointment. So I have a week of not much and then it's bam! Go!

I can't wait, I'm getting more and more excited about this as time goes on. Maybe it's the acupuncture or the medicines but it's starting to feel right!

Moving into a new fertility age group today......

2010-02-23T22:39:00.002-05:00

Today (Feb. 23) is my 38th birthday. Yay. haha

I really did enjoy my day (even though I had to work), but I can't help but think of the fact that I'm now in a riskier fertility age group.

A whole lot has been going on the last week or two and I have a post all ready to go, I just have to get it from my work e-mail to here since I can't access this site from work. But I will do that in the next few days, hopefully by or before the end of the week.

Lots of IVF fun in the early stages but fun all the same!

No time like the present......

2010-02-13T11:45:00.004-05:00

I wanted to just post a little note to wish everyone a Happy Valentine's Day!

Hopefully we can forget our infertility woes for a day or two to remember what we have and what we found in our significant other or even from friends and family in our life.

I know I'm going to try to take some time to value and appreciate my DH!

We had our IVF "Education Day" yesterday and my head is swimming with thoughts of prescriptions, procedures, and time off. I knew I would have to be on a lot of meds but I didn't realize exactly how many that meant! Whew! Like I told the nurse though, as long as it works I'll take whatever I have to in any way I have to.

I am excited to be trying something new and just the fact that I know embryos will already be created and transfered this time gives me a lot of hope.

Right now we are going to get our prescription filled for our antibiotics which we both have to take for 10 days, both at the same time. So we'll start that on Monday. And as soon as I have my day 1 I'll have to call and make an appointment for CD 3 blood tests and u/s to make sure things are good to go. That night I'll start taking my bc pills.

I'll write more in a few days when I have time, but it's full speed ahead, no time like the present!

Busy, busy, busy

2010-01-27T22:51:00.004-05:00

It was a no.

I know I've been slacking on my posting again but things just don't seem to let up lately. I had a few big projects come up at work which meant working 11 - 12 hours almost every day and DH and I are now getting prepared for IVF (had our consult this past Monday - I'll write details about it soon), acupuncture and catching up on appointments all while remodling our spare bathroom last weekend and this weekend. Just typing all of that makes me tired!

Anyway, I'll post more about the IVF consult and prep soon, I'm just too tired to write much more right now!

Vegas and the 2WW

2010-01-12T23:13:00.002-05:00

Just a (kind of) quick update since I am getting ready to hop on a plane tomorrow to go to Vegas! Yay! I really need a vacation right now and DH and I are going to surprise my sister-in-law for her 30th b-day so it should be fun. My brother broke down and told her that people would be surprising her in Vegas but she has no idea who will be there so it should be fun seeing the surprise and excitement on her face. Not to mention that I don't get to hang out with them without my neices (a 1 year old and another almost 4 year old, adorable girls)ever, so while I love kids and my neices, it will be like old times which is good.

Anyhoo, on to the fertility update. Saturday's IUI went very well. We met up with our friends in the morning for breakfast (actually in between the guys and girls appointments) and then I went into the same room that my friend came out of for my IUI when it was my turn. Strange but cool! I had the alternative doctor perform the IUI and a lot of people have good luck with him, so that is another plus.

I am trying not to think too much about whether this cycle worked or not but I have to admit I am hopeful that this last IUI will prevent us from having to go to IVF as the next step. I should be able to start testing next week around Tuesday or Wednesday so that isn't too bad - I'll be home from vacation by Sunday so I'll only have a few days to think about it! I think this is the first 2WW where I won't be obsessing over signs.

Who am I kidding - Vegas or not I'll be thinking of it every moment of every day!

Back & Cycling Again!

2010-01-06T22:49:00.004-05:00

I know it's been awhile since I've written, but this is our busiest time of year in HR and this year there are a ton of things going on at work. Between that and the holidays, writing has taken a back seat for me. I have still been trying to read your blogs from time to time but when you are on a computer for 8-10 hours a day, the last thing you feel like doing at night is staring at the computer screen for another hour or two.

Things are going okay overall. I am in the midst of another IUI cycle, my last IUI hopefully because this one will work but if it doesn't we are definitely trying IVF in the next few months. I am on CD 10 today and had a doctor appointment - on my right side, I had 1 follie @ 18, 1 @ 17 and at least 2 @ 14-15. The left side isn't doing much but I'm okay with that since at least now they can pinpoint the right side. My IUI will be on Saturday morning.

I made an appointment for DH and I to meet with an IVF nurse at the end of this month and while I am a little excited to try something new that gives us a better chance, I am also hoping that this cycle just works and sticks so we don't have to get to that point. But after 3 past inject/IUI cycles with nothing happening, chances are better that we will have to do IVF.

The one good thing about this cycle is one of my local IRL friends that goes to the same doctor as me is cycling at exactly the same time. She had the same day 1 as me and even has had the same doctor appointments as I have had. Turns out that we will have the same IUI day too, in fact our appointments are only 1/2 hour apart! Our husbands are literally going to give each other high fives when they cross in the hallway. LOL We are going to have brunch afterwards to celebrate. This will probably be the only time we will ever be on exactly the same cycle and I'm glad it happened with my last IUI since she is younger than me and not planning on IVF anytime soon.

I hope everyone had a good Christmas/Hanukkah/whatever you celebrate and a very Happy New Year! I'll update after my IUI sometime this weekend.

Here's to getting and staying prego in 2010!

Holidays, BFN's and IF, oh my!

2009-12-07T22:21:00.002-05:00

Sorry for keeping everyone hanging, but AF came on Black Friday. (Appropriately) It was another short cycle that didn't work and since I was out of town for Thanksgiving, I couldn't get in to see the doctor to try to have 1 more IUI before the end of the year.

I may try to squeeze one more in at the end of this month, but since I'll be due on Xmas eve or Xmas day and I'll be in Chicago again, it means we will probably have to come home early so we are debating if we want to do that or just wait for IVF in a few months.

It's been a rough week or so dealing with the fact that I may be done with IUI's and that our chances are dwindling. But I'm just trying to re-evaluate my life and get in a good place so I can be in the best place for IVF. If I try everything I can and it doesn't work, then I will just have to change my idea of what our life will be like.

Plus I've been super busy lately - my in-laws came to visit this past weekend and now I've got a cold from all the running around and stress lately. I'm just looking forward to getting through the next few weeks and all the holidays so I can relax and start working on me again!

2 DPO & the 2 WW

2009-11-20T22:23:00.003-05:00

Here we go again! The wonderful 2 WW.

I had my IUI on Wednesday and other than being almost 20 minutes late because of terrible traffic & rain (my doctor is about 15 miles away) and my doctor almost walking in on me undressing - twice in 2 minutes - everything went well.

The IUI happened about 39 hours after trigger which is not too bad. I would have preferred to trigger a little later on Monday night than I did, but it was bowling night so I had to trigger before bowling. I've triggered in restaurant bathrooms and on vacation before, but I really didn't feel like trying to trigger in the bowling alley restroom between turns!

I've felt some nauseous-ness since the trigger and on ovulation day I had some really bad cramping going on which is pretty unusual for me. Usually I feel a pang and that's it but it was so bad that night I couldn't even try again with DH, we had to wait until the next morning. ; ) Maybe that's a good sign, I don't know.

Speaking of signs, I am determined to not obsess during this 2 WW as far as trying to pay attention to every little sign to figure out if I'm pregnant. I know from the last assisted cycle that it doesn't mean anything until you miss AF and/or get a positive test. So I'm trying my best to just keep busy and not think too much about it. Luckily at this time of year between work & holidays it is easy to keep busy. We'll see how easy it is in a week!

Quick Update

2009-11-16T22:54:00.002-05:00

Hi all! Things have been super busy for me this past week. It's the busiest time of the year at work and I've been working 11 hour days and with doctor appointments and errands to run it hasn't left me much time to write.

On CD 6 last Wednesday things were looking good. My right side was just so-so but I had a few follies on the right side that were between 6-8 mm. So I continued 100 IU until my next appointment on Saturday (CD 9) and I saw the alternative doctor that works when my doctor is out. He doesn't always say how big the follicles are but I could tell from the u/s monitor that I had at least 2 on the left side that were looking really good and he did say that this cycle seems to be progressing really well.

So I took another 100 IU on Saturday and 75 on Sunday. I triggered tonight and Wednesday morning (CD 13) is the IUI.

I am feeling pretty good about this cycle so far, it is already progressing pretty nicely and not too fast like the last assisted cycle. 8 days of stims growing nice & slowly should give me a pretty good chance this month!

I'll write more later in the week after the IUI. I am hoping that as this week goes on work will lighten up a bit. I am really looking forward to that because I am trying to be as stress free as possible, I need all the help I can get!

A new cycle and more

2009-11-08T22:18:00.004-05:00

Had my Day 1 on Friday, right on time although I didn't really expect her to show for another day or two. My doctor's office wanted me to come in Saturday (CD 2), probably because they were trying to avoid Sunday appointments. I don't think I've ever gone in that early for my baseline u/s but that was fine with me, the sooner the better.

When I went in, Dr. RE started talking to me about IVF and said that ages 35-38 are getting up there in the high range of people with the best chances. I said "I know and I have a birthday in February so I don't want to wait too long." We agreed that if this next cycle or two doesn't work, it will be IVF in the Spring. We then started talking about costs a little and during this time he was doing my scan. (Funny how after so long of doing this I don't even pay attention to the giant wand in me while I'm talking!) He said he saw some fibroids "creeping up" but that they weren't too big and aren't in my cavity.

I can't even begin to tell you how aggravating it is that I have fibroids growing again. I knew there was a chance some would start growing again within 5 years of my surgery, but I would have never guessed that it would take that long to get and stay pregnant and that I would have to deal with that again. The one comfort is that they aren't in my uterus and hopefully wouldn't cause any problems with a pregnancy as long as they don't get too much bigger. Women with fibroids have babies all the time, I just hope to minimize how many I have or how big they get.

Which means I have to get back to exercising - fibroids HATE exercise and that is definitely one thing I haven't been doing lately. Too much work and travel lately but I can't use that as an excuse anymore, I have to make myself as important as my job and friends & family.

Anyway, other than that everything looked okay and I took my first injection tonight. I'll take 100 IU every night until my next appointment Wednesday morning.

I am going to stay as confident and upbeat about this cycle as I can. I need this to happen for us soon, I'm ready!

Forecasting..

2009-10-30T23:48:00.003-04:00

I know I haven't written much lately but it just seems like I don't have much to say when I'm not cycling. Plus this is the busiest time of year for my line of work - HR - and after working 9-10 hour days every day, I don't feel like typing on the computer anymore quite honestly!

Ironically, we are going through open enrollment right now and I am trying to figure out which medical plan I should sign up for in 2010. Ugh! How am I supposed to know what is going to happen? I could get pregnant before the end of this year but who knows if it will be viable? What if I do IVF in the spring? I know how much my doctor charges for IVF but at this point I still have no idea what meds I may need to be on, how much they may cost, if they will be covered by my insurance, etc. What if that doesn't work, will I do an FET cycle?

I do a lot of forecasting at my job but how am I supposed to forecast what the next year will hold for me when the past 3 years have not been what I expected?

I guess all I can do is educate myself as much as possible and hope that I don't have to pay as much money out of pocket as I have had to in the past because of unforeseen procedures.

For anyone out there that has done an IVF cycle, what type of meds have you been on and how much did it cost you? (If you don't mind telling me)

I have about another week before AF shows up so I'm sure I'll be posting again soon!

The Definition of Insanity

2009-10-14T21:18:00.004-04:00

It was a no.

AF arrived on 12 DPO this past Saturday, on my 5 hour drive to Chicago. Wonderful! I'm not going to lie, I was really disappointed but I couldn't really show it with friends and family since they wouldn't understand and would just give me that pity look and the look that says "I don't know what to say". So I just tried to forget about it all and have fun in the moment. And I really did have fun, it was easy to not think about it for a little bit.

Then on Monday night I kind of got upset and irrational and ended up getting sappy about my frustration of this not working. I felt like I had held it in for 2 days so it was good to let go and DH really sympathized and said he felt the same way.

And now I've been working 10-11 hour days this week but I guess that is good because it gives me something else to think about for a little while.

So I'm taking this month off to re-group and give my ovaries a rest, but then I'll start another injection cycle in November. I'm only going to try 1 or 2 more inject cycles at the most and then start talking about IVF for 2010. There's that old saying about how the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting the same results. So if 3-4 inject cycles don't produce at least a BFP, I'm on to bigger and better (and more expensive!) things.

Oh, the joy of infertility.

Weepy & Waiting

2009-10-08T22:51:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I kept feeling naseous, dizzy, and shaky when I didn't eat. Once I ate I seemed to feel better, at least for a little while until I was hungry again. Today I am not hungry at all and I am super emotional, wanting to cry at every little thing.

Today is 10 DPO/IUI and NO spotting so far which could definitely be a good sign. (Last inject cycle AF showed up on 10 DPO, spotting started 2 days before that)

However, another part of me is determined to NOT start thinking I am pregnant because I don't want to be disappointed. Like I won't be diappointed anyway!

We will see what the next few days hold. I'm going out of town to attend my neice's first birthday party and being around all the kids will be nice. But I know that if I'm not at least spotting by the weekend that part of me will think really positively and I just hope I don't get my hopes up too much for nothing again. Then again, that's part of this entire process, isn't it?

I am going to try to hold off on testing until Monday but don't think I can hold off much longer than that. Two weeks is long enough!!

7 DPO - halfway!

2009-10-05T21:59:00.001-04:00

Well, it's already been a week since the IUI and only 1 more week (or less) to go before I find out if this cycle worked or not. We had the IUI last Monday morning and got in plenty of trying before and after, plus DH's numbers looked really good - 99% motility and 46 million after wash and a grade 3 - one of the better looking numbers we have had in awhile which is good.

Since at least 2 DPO (maybe even 1DPO?) I've had sore BBs which is a really good sign since that is what happened to me last time I got a BFP. Plus, on 3 and 4DPO I was extremely tired, wanting to take a nap during work and I did take a nap the one night after work, I just couldn't keep my eyes open. On 4 & 5 DPO I was extremely grouchy/moody too which could either mean that AF is on her way or that something else is going on...

We'll see - if AF is going to come, she should be showing her face in the next few days since she usually comes very early on injects, between 9 & 12 DPO. I am going to test next Monday if she hasn't shown by then, which is 14 DPO.

So, only a week to go. Waiting really is the hardest part of all of this!

Quick cycle update

2009-09-27T22:05:00.002-04:00

Went in to the doctor on Saturday - he didn't even talk about the right side although he did look at them, but the left side is growing nicely - I have 2 follies at 19 and a few more at 10.

So, I had to trigger last night and insemination day is tomorrow / Monday. I feel okay about this cycle but I'm not sure because an IUI on CD 10 seems way too early. But who knows, every assisted cycle is another good chance at a positive result, right?

All I can do is stay positive......we'll see what happens!

Oh the fun of IF

2009-09-24T22:03:00.004-04:00

Well, after a lot of phone calls with my mail order pharmacy, I finally received my package of extra meds yesterday - and the box was open. It must have either gone to a neighbor by mistake or the driver got nervous because my prescription company was having F.ed E.x check with the driver to see what happened.

I was a bit disturbed that someone opened it because the box clearly had my name and my correct address on it. How rude! Not to mention the box said "perishable, keep refrigerated" on it. The first thing I thought is oh great, now my neighbors (one of them is like 9 months pregnant too) know I can't get pregnant! But then I realized that they would have to know what F.ollist.im and O.vidre.l are for and that I was letting my hormones get the best of me.

Speaking of hormones, I went in to DR RE this morning for my CD 6 ultrasound and bloodwork. On the right I had a couple of follies from 5 - 7 which is okay I guess. Then, on the left I had a few follies at 7 or 8, 1 at 12, and 1 at 15! Usually my right side is better so I'm not sure what is going on this month but a change can be good, right?

I never received a phone call about the bloodwork, so everything there should be good and I took another 100 IU's tonight, then I'll take 100 IU's again tomorrow. Then I go in on Saturday morning and we'll see where we stand but my doctor said that the IUI will probably be on Monday or Tuesday - CD 10 or 11! I can't believe it, it's getting earlier and earlier for some reason. Maybe my ovaries are a bit too used to the stims?

Anyway, I am going out of town on Saturday night too so I'll have to bring my meds or my trigger with me. Oh, the fun! Actually it should be a fun weekend, going to a concert with some girlfriends - just what I need.

I'm tired and cranky so that's all I have to say for now. :)

Another try

2009-09-22T23:21:00.004-04:00

Well, AF arrived on Saturday (just in time for my friend's wedding!) but she arrived right on time so I won't be mad at her.

I went into Dr RE's office yesterday and everything looked good. The right side was quiet but he said it looked beautiful and the left side already had some follicles growing on their own, he even pointed it out to me! I didn't think that was a good thing but the doctor gave me the green light so all must be okay with it.

I started my Foll.istim yesterday with 100 IU and today took 75 IU. Then I'm back to 100 IU tomorrow and I go in Thursday morning for my next ultrasound and bloodwork to see how everything is growing.

I had to order more meds yesterday because I only have about 400 IU's left from last time, but I knew I would have a few days. The woman at my prescription service said she could get them to me by tomorrow (today) even though I didn't need them until later in the week, but wouldn't you know it, they didn't arrive today. It dawned on me tonight that those usually have to be signed for but the woman on the phone asked me if it was okay if they left it, so I don't know what's going on but I'll have to call them tomorrow. I just hope they can get them here on time so I don't start a cycle only being not able to finish it!

I'll write more after my appointment Thursday - I'm still catching up on sleep from the fun weekend I had at my friends' wedding - I'm hoping that's the last time I'll be able to party like that for awhile!

I know - it's been awhile

2009-09-17T21:52:00.003-04:00

I know it's been a very long time since I've posted anything - it's like exercise, once I stop it's hard to get started again. And especially when I don't have any IF related items to report on.

The last month or so has been pretty good. I've just been in the daily grind of work, with a little bit of play mixed in. I went on a very much needed 9 day vacation to the Southeast and had a very relaxing time. I'm even in the 2 WW now to see if the vacation proved to be fruitful! ; )

I'm on CD 27 today and since I haven't had very good luck on my own, I expect to start another injection cycle in the next few days. I'm guessing AF will show up sometime this weekend when I'm at a close friends' wedding. That's just the way she works! But who knows, maybe I won't have to worry about that? I'll probably wait to test until Monday since I'll be traveling Saturday and Sunday so if she isn't here by then there's a good chance....

Anyway, I will be writing more in the near future again, updating everyone on my next few cycles. I hope everyone has had a good summer and I look forward to getting back to the blog!

A quick, short post

2009-08-05T23:14:00.002-04:00

I have been taking a small break from blogging and even from reading blogs because I've been so busy lately.

Work is really busy (we are very short handed) and I've been working until 6 or even 7 at night (from 8:30 am!) not to mention that my summer schedule is really booked in August and DH and I have something to do or somewhere to go just about every weekend.

Then towards the end of the month I have a weekend where I'm going away for a 3 day weekend, then the week before Labor Day I am finally taking a much, much needed week long vacation. (My first in 3 years!)

So I'll be pretty busy the next few weeks, but I'll try to check in from time to time.

We are trying on our own this cycle & the next cycle and I don't have high hopes for us to get lucky, but who knows, stranger things have happened!

Didn't even get to test

2009-07-26T17:12:00.005-04:00

Thanks for all of the good wishes, but this cycle did not work after all. AF arrived on Friday, on 10 DPO. I was spotting for two days but I was really hopeful that it was implantation spotting. Then Friday morning, it became obvious that it was more than that and finally AF showed up.

DH & I decided that we would try another cycle right away if we could, so I made an appointment for the RE for Saturday morning. So, I went in yesterday and DR RE said that my ovaries are still a little too big and recommended a rest period. Darn. I told him that I have a vacation coming up so it will probably be another two cycles before I see him again and then we talked about only trying 1 more IUI before I.VF. I told him that I would like to try that by the end of this year and he agreed it is a good idea. So, that's the plan, one more IUI and then it's on to I.VF.

When I was leaving the RE's office, the nurse told me that a lot of patients get lucky on rest periods so we should remember to try every other day. So that's what we are going to do for the next cycle or two and hopefully we'll get lucky, I sure as heck need some kind of luck when it comes to this stuff!

My late update!

2009-07-19T21:36:00.004-04:00

Wow, I guess I didn't realize how much time had passed since I've posted, although I did know that I've been slacking.

Everything is fine, I'm in the 2WW now. But to recap, last Saturday my doctor appointment went well. My regular Dr wasn't there so I had the other doctor in the practice who is just as good but different. He didn't tell me the size of any of my follies, he just said they looked "beautiful!" and I could see some of the measurements on the computer screen - I saw 1 at 17 mm and one at 16.8. I saw a couple of other follies too, but those were probably the biggest at the time. So, he instructed that I take another 100IU that night, then trigger on Sunday and IUI on Tuesday. (Which was only CD12, my earliest IUI yet!)

So Tuesday came and everything went well, the same doctor did my IUI (which is supposed to be lucky, I got pregnant from his IUI the first time and I hear that others say they have better luck when he does the IUI) and he is always so excited about Ovulation Day, wishing me a happy one! I said yes, I'm very excited, and I really was. He made small talk while doing it, talking about M.ichael Jackson and how sad the whole thing is, talking about the doctors issuing prescriptions, etc. It was late in the day so I was able to just go home aftwards and rest which was nice, I hate going back to work after that, it feels weird!

So now I am just in the 2WW although it should go pretty fast considering I had the IUI so early in my cycle. I have been feeling the pings and uterus cramps the past few days but I'm not getting too excited yet since it could still be related to ovulation. And the ta-tas are just the slightest bit tender but nothing to get excited about. I have been extremely thirsty and hungry lately and I had a really bad dizzy spell yesterday, so bad I had to hold onto the wall, but I attribute some of that to the O.vidrel and drugs since it's happened to me before.

So, I have about 10 more days to wait before testing (I can probably test earlier than that but I'm waiting until at least 15DPO) which is painful, as always. I just hope it goes as fast as the past week or two has gone. In the meantime though, I'm just going to keep busy at work (which isn't difficult these days as I work in a short-handed HR department) and try to enjoy my summer!

So Far, So Good

2009-07-08T20:51:00.004-04:00

Doctor appointment today went well. My RE said something to the effect of "I am determined to get something to stick for you!" and I said "Thanks! I am determined too!" It helps to know that he is just as determined to get me knocked up as I am.

Before he started the ultrasound, he said that we should see a few follies although they probably won't be all that big at this point. But his hope was to see a few. (I'm on CD 6)

Well, this is what he saw: Lining is at 5.5, he said it looks good so far. Right side - 1 at 10, 2 at 11, and 1 at 12. Left side - 1 at 10 and 1 at 11. I already have 6 follies total! I think he was pleasantly surprised too and he said he thought we would be doing the IUI early, probably sometime between Monday and Wednesday - which is REALLY early, that means I could be ovulating between CD 11 & 13!

I have to take 100 IU tonight, then 75 tomorrow and back to 100 IU on Friday and my next appointment is Saturday morning. I'll find out then when I'm going to trigger as long as everything is going good and I'm not over stimulated by then.

I really seem to respond well to injects which is good, but I just hope the baby aspirin is helping my lining to get thick & stable.

I also had a blood draw today but I won't find out the results until tomorrow. I am starting to get a tiny bit hormonal / emotional and also a little bloated with that "I'm carrying a basket of eggs" feeling which I love quite honestly. I can't believe that this cycle is going so fast already but I am totally ready for it - I've had plenty of time and practice, that's for sure!

Yet another cycle.....hopefully "the one"!

2009-07-06T22:06:00.004-04:00

Happy belated 4th of July to all of my U.S. blog friends!

CD 1 came on Friday, right after I returned from the zoo with my brother & his family, who was here visiting for the weekend. I had a feeling for a few days last week that she would show up on Friday but luckily she at least waited until I got home that day.

I called my RE's office on Saturday morning and they wanted me to come in on Sunday (CD 3) for my baseline, so I did and I got the green light to start injects. Mr. RE said that the right side looked "fine" and the left side looked "good". I am not sure if that means anything other than the obvious, but I took it as a good sign.

He is starting me off on 100 IU of Foll.istm which I took yesterday and today, then tomorrow I am to take 75 and I go back on Wednesday afternoon. I'll get my blood taken & levels checked and an u/s to see how things are progressing. Hopefully I'll have a few good looking follies by then.

On my way out, the nurse also told me that she wants me to take baby aspirin as well, to help my lining. I really haven't heard of that before so I googled it today at work and it is supposed to be something that can really help infertility issues since it increases blood flow to the uterus and increases chances for a good ovulation. It also prevents uterus blood clots and issues with the baby's placenta so I'm wondering if my doctor thought that was part of what happened last time.

Either way, I am excited to take yet something else to increase my chances. Let's hope that it helps!

I am exhausted from my busy weekend with family, but I'll write more later this week after my next appointment. Long weekends are good but I need a long weekend to recover from this past long weekend!

Of course not!

2009-07-01T23:37:00.002-04:00

A Big Fat NO this morning. That's what I saw on the test. And still no AF.

I feel though like it has to be here any day, any moment now. I will just be grateful if it comes by the end of the week so I can start injects by early next week.

We shall see......as always with IF, you just never know what to expect!

Can it be?

2009-06-29T22:40:00.003-04:00

Had a fun girls weekend, maybe partying it up a little too much but what the heck, what's a few beers every day for 3 days in a row when you aren't trying? When you are expecting AF any day now?

Well, no AF yet and I've had some sharp pains in the last few days. And my boobs are starting to get sore. I've felt a little light headed and dizzy and I am super thirsty. But of course, some of that could be due to my fun party weekend.

I am on CD 29 and not a sign of her otherwise yet.....is she just messing with me or is there a chance this month?

I'm totally fine with it not working this month, as long as AF comes early so I can get on with my injection cycle. But come ON! If she is just going to be late to toy with me I'll be really aggravated.

Did I mention moodiness? LOL

Anyway, I'm giving her until tomorrow which is when I'm going to buy some new tests (used up all of mine last time I was pregnant) and then I'll test on Wednesday - that will be 31 days which is really officially late for me, even on my own after what happened.

So we'll see - is it possible that I can be one of those people you hear about that weren't trying when it worked?

MIA

2009-06-23T20:40:00.003-04:00

I know, I've been missing in action lately, but I just haven't felt like blogging. Too much work and summer planning going on. But I just wanted to drop in to say I know I haven't posted in awhile but should start posting again soon since I expect to get AF sometime this weekend and if that's the case, will start injections again next week.

DH received his test results back and everything was normal. It's good news and bad cuz that means we should be able to get pregnant. I am holding out hope though that it means we WILL get pregnant!

Anyway, I'm going for a mini trip back to Chicago this weekend to see and stay with my BFF's - a girls weekend is just what I need right now and I'm looking very much forward to it!

So I'll write more when I get back and once I start cycling again. I hope everyone is doing good and enjoying the summer, hopefully getting a bit of a break from IF and enjoying things again like I am.

More next week!

She showed up - right on time

2009-06-02T21:38:00.003-04:00

Today is 5 weeks post D&C and I'm on CD 2, AF showed up yesterday with a vengence! I knew she was coming because of how moody & emotional I was this past weekend so it was just a matter of time. But I didn't quite expect her to show up until later this week.

But I feel good that she showed up right when she was supposed to and now I just have to let my body go through one natural cycle before trying another assisted cycle.

Part of me is really looking forward to a medicated cycle but another part of me wants a bigger break, I have really enjoyed not thinking about all of this for the past few weeks. But I am on a mission and I have a goal that I am determined to work towards, so push on I must!

No results yet from DH's recurrent loss blood tests, but I expect to hear something soon. Genetic tests won't come back for another 2-3 weeks so we'll see what happens before the next cycle starts.

I am at a loss for more words - I've been pretty blah lately and working a lot - 10 hours with minimal breaks most days in the past week - so I guess that's it for right now.

I'll post more when I can think of something more to say!

The results are in

2009-05-28T21:20:00.005-04:00

"The" question my doctor's office had was if DH went for his blood tests or not. I guess my tests all came back but my hubby's hadn't so they were wondering when he went for them.

I should have known it was something like that.

I told them that he went almost a week after me, so his should be coming in soon. The nurse said that Dr RE would want to talk to me about my results, so he would be calling me. She then said that she didn't think my results were bad but that he wanted to talk to me about them personally.

I wasn't sure what to think, but about an hour later she called me back and said that DR RE was too busy to talk to me but that she would give me my results. She said that my results were normal. That's it, just normal. I wasn't sure what to say or ask, so I just said OK!

DH's results should be in soon so we'll see if anything comes up on his, but for right now we are happy about mine being okay.

On another note, I think my body is getting back to normal and I think I've got a touch of PMS - I've been a little more emotional and easily stressed and I'm feeling some strong twinges going on down there for the first time in a few weeks. I should be on schedule anyway to get AF in the next week or so which is 5-6 weeks after the D&C, so at least I am right on schedule. Then I am giving myself one more cycle before starting injections again.

Of course, we will be trying on our own too but DH already says he thinks we've done the trick this month - he has said the same thing every month for the past 2 1/2 years, I do love his optimism sometimes!

Speed up time....please?!

2009-05-27T21:04:00.005-04:00

I was leaving work today and I checked my cell phone just to see if I had any calls since I generally don't check it most of the day unless I'm expecting a call. I had a missed call and voice mail from Dr RE's office and the nurse said she had a question to ask me. Yikes.

When I got home and I told my DH about it, he checked his phone and he also had a missed call and voice message from the doctor's office saying exactly the same thing, that they had a question for him. Yikes again.

Of course, they close right at 5 pm so it was too late to call them back and I have to wait until tomorrow morning now. I am sure it is about the blood / genetic tests we took since DH finally went and had his blood drawn last week. I am super nervous that something is wrong. But I'm just trying to stay positive and I've convinced myself that if it was something more serious, they would just ask me to call them back and wouldn't say they have a question......at least I don't think so anyway.

Ugh, here I go again - time goes super fast any other time except for when I'm waiting for test results. I wish I could turn that around and put more hours in the night when I'm doing something fun and speed it up when I'm waiting on Dr RE..

A much needed vacation.....

2009-05-21T22:39:00.002-04:00

I'm leaving in 6 hours to get on a plane and go to California to visit a friend. Even though getting ready to go on vacation is sometimes not worth the trip, it is worth it this time just to get away for a few days.

So you won't be hearing from me for a few days but I can't stay away from a computer for too long so I'll be back reading and writing blogs in 5 or 6 days!

Do I have any blood left?

2009-05-15T19:00:00.005-04:00

I went to the lab today to give vials and vials of blood for "recurrent loss" testing. They took 9 vials of blood from me, in all different sizes, all going to different places, for different tests. Not bad since I expected around 12 vials, but a lot all the same. DH wimped out this week but says that he will go give his 2 vials of blood on Monday. Men! And they are supposed to be the stronger sex? Yeah right! LOL

The guy that was at the lab and who took my blood was really nice and kept asking me all these questions about why I was there, so I admitted that I had a miscarriage recently and was there for fertility testing. I was surprised that he didn't react by saying "oh I'm sorry" or by giving me those pity eyes so after talking a bit more, I admitted a bit more of my history to him, even telling him about the septum and how I am pretty sure it caused the first miscarriage but because of this second miscarriage it's a good idea to get these blood tests done to see if anything else is going on.

He then said that I haven't had it all that bad and went on to tell me all about his cousin who had placenta previa and kept having miscarriages ("Way more than you have had" is what he said) and who, after IVF, had to have her cervix stitched up to keep everything in and was on bed rest as well and still lost the baby at like 6 months. I said I know how hard it was for me at 10 weeks after hearing the heartbeat and he said well imagine feeling the baby kick and still losing it. How terrible is that? This girl, his cousin, did end up adopting though and then we talked about that for awhile, they have 1 Chinese girl and are thinking of adopting another Chinese child.

I don't know what it was about our conversation, but something about it felt freeing. It's different when you can talk to someone about these things and they don't pity you and instead make you feel like you don't have it so bad after all. It was just nice to talk to someone about it since I've only talked to my hubby, an IF friend, and all of you. I don't talk much about all this with my friends or family because none of them understand or know how to act or respond. But for some reason today this lab guy just got it and didn't make me feel like I was a freak of nature which was nice for a change.

Anyway, some of my lab results should be in within 7-10 days I think and then the genetic tests will come back in a month or so. I don't really want to find out that anything is wrong, but I just hope we can maybe get some answers either way before we start the next assisted cycle.

Wrapping it up and enjoying a break

2009-05-13T20:55:00.007-04:00

I started feeling better about a week ago but I've been really lazy about blogging lately, just haven't felt like talking or thinking about IF, pregnancy or loss of pregnancy lately. I needed a break! I have been reading other blogs although I have only been doing it every couple of days and then I get really behind and spend most of my time reading and then don't feel like writing.

Things are going pretty well, I didn't realize how crummy I was really feeling - both mentally and physically - until I started feeling more like normal. It's amazing how fast that can all change.

Today I had my post-op appointment with my RE and he did a regular pelvic exam just to make sure my uterus was back to normal. How strange it was to have a normal exam without that ultrasound machine next to me and the "wand" searching around in me! It went well, Dr RE said that everything seemed to be fine and back to normal.

They also took another blood test to see if my hcg is down to zero yet and said that once it does go back to zero then I can go get my "recurring loss" blood tests which will consist of taking 12 or so vials of my blood. DH will also get his blood taken but they only need 2 or 3 of his, go figure!

The doctor's office called this afternoon and said that my hcg IS at zero so I can go get my extensive blood tests at any time. I was so happy to finally hear some good news after a blood test that I was in a good mood for the rest of the afternoon.

I think I am going to try to go give my blood tomorrow or Friday so I can get it over with since the genetic tests will take about 5 weeks before we get the results back. DH said he's going to try to go by Friday too so we hopefully get everything back before our next inject/IUI cycle. We have to wait one normal cycle before trying again, so it will probably be the end of June or beginning of July but that is okay by me because I can use a little break to spend some time on myself again.

I am going to take this time to try to get back into shape a bit and just enjoy myself again, having my daily cup of coffee and not beating myself up for it!

Now it's REALLY over....

2009-04-29T22:39:00.003-04:00

At my ultrasound on Monday, I saw a perfectly round fluid sac on the screen. A week after starting contractions from medication, I still saw a perfectly empty round sac, just sitting there in the middle of my uterus!

So of course, my RE recommended we do a D&C.....on Tuesday already since that is his surgery day at the hospital. I gulped really loud but was totally not surprised and ready to get off this merry go round that I've been on for 3 weeks already.

He said it would depend on my hcg #'s from my blood test that day, but we would go ahead and schedule it with the hospital and everything. That had to be the fastest I've ever had to schedule any type of hospital procedure. When I finally heard from the nurse at my RE's office after 4 pm on Monday, she said that my numbers were going lower, but were still over 1,000 so we would be moving ahead with the D&C.

So, yesterday morning DH drove me to the hospital - at least we didn't have to be there super early since I wouldn't go in until 11 am. We had to be there at 9 for prep and all the fun paperwork that goes with it all. We seemed to be done with everything, IV inserted and all, by a little after 10 and that hour of waiting was SO bad! I wasn't all that anxious about the whole thing just because I know I handle anesthesia okay and it would be a short procedure, but to have to just sit there and wait (we did watch some TV but still!) was pure torture. Everyone there is super nice and my RE was one of the last people I saw before I went under, telling me he would take care of me and I replied "I know you will". About 3 seconds later I went into la-la land. I had such a peaceful rest that when they woke me up I actually asked if I could go back to sleep! Of course I couldn't though, once I was up I just wanted to get going so I could get home & rest.

My RE came in and told us that it went just fine but that there wasn't enough tissue that they could test so we will just have to take the blood tests in a few weeks and get results from that. That's fine by me but I was kind of hoping they'd be able to test some of the tissue since I know that is the most telling of what may have gone wrong. He also said though that we would only have to wait one cycle before starting a new round of injectibles, so that was encouraging. Almost seems too soon to me, but at 37, my time is now starting to run short so the sooner the better.

I went back to work today and didn't think I'd make it all day but thank goodness for Ty.lenol 3! It really doesn't work well for major pains, but for minor cramps and aches, it works wonders. I know I will probably still feel like this for a few more days but I can handle that considering it probably would have gone on for at least a few more weeks without the D&C.

I'm just looking forward to getting past this and getting hopeful again.

The end of this ride...

2009-04-21T13:52:00.006-04:00

It's over.

Yesterday's appointment was interesting - my doctor even called in the other doctor in the office to take a look and make sure he wasn't missing anything. How strange it was to have them both operating the wand and looking at my uterus at the same time! They both agreed that my ovaries & tubes look clear, but couldn't find a gestational sac or anything growing. The only thing that appeared was possibly a small little empty sac but they weren't sure about that or what may have happened.

While I was getting dressed, my doctor conferred with the other doctor and then came back in and said that they definitely can't see anything in my tubes and that it is likely to be in the uterus, so they are going to give me a prescription for cyo.tech/miso.protal (sp?) to bring on contractions - it's the same thing I had to use in my last m/c and is NOT fun. But, my doctor wanted to wait until my beta came back to see if my numbers were going down or if they were still going up. If the numbers start going down, then we can let this happen naturally but if the numbers are still going up, I would take the medicine.

Well, I got the call yesterday afternoon to take the medicine and they wanted me to take it right away, last night. I hadn't even gotten my prescription filled yet, so I didn't get to take / insert the meds until 8 pm which of course meant I was up half the night in pain. Even with the pain meds they gave me, it didn't help the pain very much (I must be immune to Ty.lenol 3 because it never seems to do much for me.) and for about 3 hours I was not able to do anything but pay attention to the pain. Luckily I knew it would be over soon enough.

What a terrible night, but it was only a night and now at least I know what is going on. I have to call the doctor's office on Thursday and schedule an appt for an u/s so they can see if things are progressing correctly. I hope it is because I am ready for this ride to end and for a new one to begin.

Roller Coaster Ride

2009-04-16T20:48:00.002-04:00

This last week has been one of the craziest up and down weeks I have had in a very long time.

I had my blood draw and ultrasound today. I watched the screen, holding my breath at what I would see because I've almost convinced myself that this has to be ectopic. At first I didn't see anything at all but I could tell Mr. RE was pointing at my ovaries and after a minute he said that both my ovaries and my tubes looked good. I sighed a breath of relief. Then, he started pointing at my uterus and there it was - a small sac, I could see it pretty clearly and after a few seconds he was able to get a clear picture of it. It was pretty small and looked empty unfortunately although I'm only about 5W5D along so it might not be noticeable yet anyway.

Then, Mr. RE rubbed my foot which is what he did the last time we discovered I had miscarried and I thought "this can't be good". So I sat up and he told me that even though the tubes looked okay, he couldn't be sure. He also said that there was a small fluid sac (the one I saw) but with my numbers being the way they have been, it doesn't seem likely that this will be viable although he couldn't tell me anything for sure until my beta came in later today. Even so, he started telling me about what would be involved - a trip to the hospital to got a shot of Metho.trexate, I couldn't be in direct sunlight for a week from the meds, or take orange juice or anything with folic acid, etc. He also wanted to get a couple of extra vials of blood from me to check on my liver function, clotting issues, etc. So I went ahead and had the nurse use the same spot (I know, I'm crazy, but it's a good spot and I'd prefer that over hunting and pecking for a vein) and she took about 3 more vials of blood from me. It's a wonder I have any blood left!

Well, I went back to work thinking my appointment was not a surprise but I was still pretty down about probably having to go into the hospital tomorrow to get this shot & everything.

Then, I got a call from the RE's office a little after 12 noon which is VERY early - I usually have to wait until at least 2 or 3, if not later, to hear results from a blood draw. I could not believe it but the girl said my beta was up to 1590, it has tripled in 3 days! She said that the doctor now doesn't want to take a chance at terminating yet so we are going to give it a couple of days, I will go in Monday at 11 a.m. - for blood and another ultrasound I think. She said he said he didn't see anything in the tubes so he doesn't think it's ectopic, but is still concerned since he didn't see a developing embryo yet. But that maybe it is just getting a slower start for some reason.

She said something too about me not having any m/c symptoms yet so given that and my jump in hcg, they want to play it safe. Thank goodness because if there is even a slight chance this is viable, I want to play it safe too, maybe it was just a weird fluke that my numbers hesitated or maybe there were 2 embryos and the first one dropped off when I was spotting and it stalled the second one for a bit.

I am really trying not to get too excited because I know by this point in time they should be able to see more and my numbers should still be higher. But at least the doctor is pretty sure it isn't ectopic and if it doesn't make it maybe I won't have to go through all of those meds.

I am still in shock, I can't believe this! It would explain why I'm getting so tired, especially the past few days. I just hope it isn't a blighted ovum or that something else isn't wrong but at least the numbers are going up right now. I just hope they keep going up and that if there is a little seed in there they decide to pick up the pace. This roller coaster has definitely been a rocky one but hopefully it ends up with me being happy for the ride versus me having a headache & not feeling good!

Now what???

2009-04-13T21:36:00.004-04:00

Today's appointment was very interesting. I had my blood drawn and then they sat me in Dr RE's office so he could come in and consult with me. He asked me if I was hanging in there and I said yes I am. (I had a horrible evening on Friday but am past the pity party and had a lot of time to think on the drive to and from Chicago this weekend.)

We talked about a lot of things, but basically he said that he couldn't tell me anything until he received the blood test results later today. But that there were a few possibilities. 1 - there were multiple embryos and one failed to implant which temporarily brought the numbers down. In this case it could still be a viable pregnancy 2 - ectopic pregnancy, implanted in tubes 3 - regular miscarriage with other issues. But he mentioned the fact that since my numbers were so high at the beginning and then failed to rise on the second beta, chances are that I am losing it.

So this afternoon I got the call from the nurse and she said that my beta is up to 530 and that they want to schedule another blood draw and u/s for Thursday. She said it appears to be ectopic since the numbers started high, stalled for a week, then doubled in 3 days. She explained that they will be able to tell in the u/s if the embryo is in my tube or somewhere else and that they can treat it with medicine which should end the pregnancy and tell the body to expel it. She didn't mention surgery (lap) but I know that is a possibility too although I really hope it doesn't get that far, I've had plenty of surgeries to last me awhile.

So I'm still a bit disappointed but in a strange way I feel almost better about the ectopic thing versus a regular miscarriage. At least if it is ectopic, it means everything went well but my tube just slowed down the process for some reason or the little seed couldn't make it all the way into the uterus. In that case it isn't chromosomal which is what I was really worrying about. (Dr RE and I also talked about testing both DH's & my blood for everything - genetics, hormonal problems, etc. although I don't know if we would need to as much in this situation now)

I've been just a tad un-focused today with all that is going on and I'm trying to absorb all the possibilities for this pregnancy. Regardless, it does not look likely to be viable which is a bit disappointing but the fact that an embryo was created and implanted somewhere in my body is very promising!

I'll post on Thursday with the news, only 3 more days to think about it. Yikes, a long 3 days it will be.

It didn't stick

2009-04-10T15:30:00.004-04:00

Went in this morning for beta #2. The last few days I had stopped feeling all the twinges and pings so I had a bad feeling although I was still super tired and still had a few other symptoms.

I didn't expect a phone call back until around 4 pm so I was suprised to get the call when I was in J.C...Pennys, shopping for a nice Easter top to wear. The woman said my number was 250. (When I heard the 2 I honestly lost focus so much of what she said next was a blur) She explained that it should have doubled every other day, etc. which I knew, I was expecting a number around 900 or higher.

So, I guess they are calling it a bio-chemical pregnancy. I have to go back in on Monday for them to take my blood again and then I'll meet with the doctor and he'll explain what this means for us although I already know, it means AF will either come soon or we'll have to do something else to end it.

Just great news going into the holiday weekend when I have to travel up to Chicago and act like nothing is happening. All of our friends and family know we are trying but at least we didn't tell anyone about this yet. Thank goodness for small blessings. I'll just play with my nieces and nephews and wonder if it will ever happen for me......

I'll climb out of this depression whole by tomorrow, at least I hope so!

Amazing.....

2009-04-03T20:46:00.007-04:00

I waited all the way until yesterday (Thursday) to test and really didn't expect
anything different from what I've seen recently. But I was totally shocked to see a faint second line! I was second guessing myself all day though, thinking maybe it was a fluke or I was just thinking I saw a line, etc.

So I tested again this morning (15 DPO) and this is what I saw:

Unbelieveable! I have been in shock all day!

I called Mr. RE's office and told them and we scheduled bloodwork for this morning at 11. So I went in and had my blood drawn, then I went back to work. I am surprised that I got anything done at all quite honestly and even got a talking to from my boss about not checking my voice mail often enough (It had been a whole 5 hours!) which is unusual, I never get in trouble but I guess my mind was elsewhere.

This afternoon was literally the LONGEST afternoon I've had in a long time, just waiting for that phone to ring. Finally around 4 pm when I hadn't heard from them yet, I just decided to call them myself. So I walked around trying to find a conference room and finally found one, then settled in and called. Luckily someone picked up (more often than not it goes to voice mail) and I told a woman that answered that I was calling to find out my results. She said that I was in the pile to be called next and I said "I'm sorry, I'm really anxious!" She laughed and said "that's okay!" Then she said, "Congratulations, it's positive!!!" I couldn't believe it.

I asked what my #'s are and she said my beta is 147 and that anything between 60 & 100 is good. She also said my progesterone is at 37 and that normal is above 19. A friend of mine that is going through IF said that my hcg is a really good number and that they usually use the progesterone number to determine if it's multiples or not. She said that number isn't high enough to be high multiples, but could still be high enough to be 2 maybe. :) I'm kind of thinking that is a possibility due to my implantation bleeding, but we'll see, it could have been just due to my thick lining.

The next step is for me to go back in for a blood draw next Friday morning and see if my numbers are doubling. Right now I'm feeling major twinges, even to the point of catching me off guard once in awhile but now that I know what it is I don't mind so much. I just hope this continues to stick - I am super nervous although I know my chances are better to carry to term now that my septum is gone. But I can't help but feel like it won't be real until I get to the 2nd trimester. For now though, I'm just going to continue to feel hopeful and blessed to have gotten this far!

Is it or isn't it?

2009-03-29T15:51:00.005-04:00

I have been spotting for a few days now and it seems to get a little heavier each day but is still not really at the level of what I would consider a day 1. This morning I thought for sure AF was here, (I've been REALLY emotional the past 2 days, and tense) but now as the day goes on it is still acting like mere spotting. I keep waiting for it to either feel like a normal period or to stop but neither happens.

Has anyone else had anything like this before with injections? Part of me is hopeful that it is still implantation spotting but I don't think it would last this long if it was. (4 days) It seems like all these hormones are just messing with my body big time.

I think what I'm going to do is see what happens in the next day or so and try testing on Tuesday if it still hasn't obviously come on. If it's negative, then I'll call my RE's office and ask them what I should do, but knowing my luck she will show up tonight!

Driving myself crazy

2009-03-25T21:27:00.004-04:00

Well, today is CD 19 and I've got a bit of spotting going on. (6 days post IUI!) Implantation spotting? Maybe. But - and I'm going to try not to get too graphic - DH and I had some "fun" earlier tonight (I was trying to make him forget about his root canal pain ;) and my spotting was, let's just say, much heavier than I expected afterwards. And I've got some major twinges going on, my uterus is telling me it didn't like that or something.

At this point I'm just trying not to think too hard about any of it, at least not until late next week anyway. It's not going to do me any good since I won't know until I POAS.

I still have a good feeling about this cycle, but I'm telling you, the miscarriage really messed me up because I can't stop obsessing about doing something wrong to make it not stick or hold, down to coughing hard, sneezing, or, I guess, having fun with my hubby! I guess that is part of going through IF and the side effects of miscarriage.

For now, I'll just try really hard to be patient, not stress too much about every little thing I do, and see if I have real spotting by 1 week from today!

In the 2WW

2009-03-21T15:08:00.004-04:00

My IUI on Thursday went well.

It was almost surreal, I was feeling very positive and my doctor seemed to be as well. Just when he was inserting the tube, he started talking positive, talking about how my fibroids and septum are all gone and my ovaries look good so this should be it! Once he left I couldn't help but tear up a bit while laying there for my 10-15 minutes, I was super emotional. It has just been such a long road so far and I'm really ready for this to happen, more so than I've been since my miscarriage.

I tried to do some visualization but it was hard to focus, so I just laid there and did some deep breating to keep me relaxed. DH and I also got some good BD-ing in too, 36 hours before the IUI, the night of the IUI and again 36 hours after the IUI (this morning!) so I really think at this point we've done everything we could this month to make it work.

If it doesn't work I know I'll have done everything I could this month and I'll just have to try again. At this point though, I'm feeling good. I'm super bloated but I don't mind cuz I'm feeling all kinds of twinges, on both sides, and it reminds me that we have a better chance this month. I just hope the twinges get stronger over the next week - I know I'll be paying attention to every little feeling I have in the next 10-14 days, this is the hard part.

Doc wants me to call by two weeks from yesterday (Apr 3) if AF hasn't arrived. I thought the last cycle of waiting was painful, with my hormones all screwed up and a 48 day cycle, but I think this might feel like longer!

On our way

2009-03-16T21:06:00.002-04:00

My appointment this morning went well. I had my blood drawn and then I went in to see Mr RE. My lining is at a 9 and 3 quarters (or something like that) and my follicles are looking really good! I have 3-5 follicles on the right and 1 is at 14 and a few around 9. On the left it looks even better, I saw about 5 of em on the screen and 1 was at 15 and a few at 9-10.

I didn't hear back from the doctor's office today which means my bloodwork is okay - that is the part I was most nervous about so that is a relief!

So the plan is for me to finish off my pen tonight, I have between 25 - 75 IU's in my pen to use up. Then tomorrow night I'll do my trigger shot and Thursday morning is IUI day - yippee! My first IUI since last May before my lap, so this is very exciting.

I have a really good feeling about this cycle but I'm doing the ole trying not to get too excited thing which is dumb cuz I'll be super disappointed regardless of how excited I get. So I'm just trying to stay positive and as stress free as possible. Hopefully that helps!

I'll post after my IUI on Thursday, please send your positive vibes this way, I could use them!!

Going good.....for now

2009-03-15T19:41:00.003-04:00

My appointment on Friday went well. I have 3 follicles on each side and they are all at a 9 or 10.

My RE put me on another 100 IU for Friday & Saturday, then 75 today.

I was holding my breath to see if they would call me after my blood draw to say that my levels were high again, but no call so my levels must be okay!

I go in again tomorrow (Monday) morning for another blood test and to see how my follies are growing. Tomorrow will be CD 10 so I'm really hoping they say we are done with the meds and that we can schedule the IUI for Wednesday or Thursday, I am just anxious to get to that hopeful point!

Round 2

2009-03-12T22:13:00.003-04:00

I haven't had a chance to post because work has been really busy - fortunately in some ways and unfortunately in other ways. I work in HR so I usually get busy when other people slow down although things are always busy in HR!

I went in for my baseline on Tuesday and I saw the other Dr in my RE's practice since my regular doctor is usually at the hospital on Tuesdays. That's okay with me because this other doctor is just as good and in fact is the one that did the IUI where I got pregnant back in 2007. But it's probably been that long since I've seen him, so when I was sitting on the table talking to him and he just stood at my feet waiting for me to get into the stirrups, I was a little taken back. I expected him to sit down by the u/s machine just because that's what my doctor always does!

Anyway, he took a look and said everything looked good and was back to normal (phew!) and that we can get started. So he put me on 150 IU's Tues, then down to 75 on Weds and 150 again today. I go back to the doctor tomorrow (Friday) morning.

So I am back to giving myself shots which I don't mind so much anymore, I'd rather do that than to spend 4 weeks waiting for my friend!

Oh and on a good note, my cold is almost gone. It really only lasted a few days and was super aggravating one day but it could have been allergy related since as soon as it got cold here again, I started feeling better. My allergy meds didn't help at all though so maybe I'm getting immune to them, that seems to happen to me every time I get used to an allergy pill. I think I will just have to deal with major sniffles this spring.

Let's just hope that my estrogen levels are looking good for my blood test tomorrow. Just getting to the IUI this month will be a big accomplishment since it's now been almost a year since I've had one!

A cold and AF.....

2009-03-09T23:26:00.003-04:00

Is what I got over the weekend. I don't even mind the cold all that much (although my red nose does!) because this past cycle was the longest non-pregnant cycle I've ever had. I even had called my RE's office just last Monday, asking for a prescription of Progestin to bring on AF and I picked up my prescription on Tuesday. Luckily I decided to give it a couple more days before I started it because by last Thursday I was a teary eyed mess and knew that if she wasn't coming on, something else had to be wrong!

So tomorrow is my baseline u/s (on CD 4) and I'm really hoping that everything looks okay even with the messed up cycle in January so we can get started with a good injectible / IUI cycle.

I am taking my tissues and going to bed now, but I wanted to post an update since it's been awhile.

Waiting.......and more waiting

2009-02-19T22:14:00.008-05:00

My weekend away for Valentine's day was good, DH & I had a lot of fun. It was also just nice to be away, felt like a vacation, albeit a short one.

AF didn't show up by Sunday which was CD 29, so I tested and it was a BFN. I was a bit disappointed but not totally surprised since this cycle was a bust. Come Wednesday, AF still hadn't shown up so I tested again. BFN!

So by today, CD 32, I was starting to get a bit concerned, wondering why the heck AF hasn't shown up, especially since I'm usually very regular for the most part, almost always under 30 days. Also, a friend of mine (going through IF) kept saying it could be a cyst and was starting to make me a bit (more) of a hypochondriac. So I called my RE's office and basically asked them to let me know if this is normal. They called me back and said this is perfectly normal since my levels were so high and we didn't trigger and that I should wait another week or so (wow!) and then call them if AF still hasn't shown up and they will give me some progesterone to bring it on.

I was really pretty shocked when she said another week or so. It would have been nice for them to have told me this could have happened a few weeks ago so I wouldn't be stressing so much about it, probably delaying it even more! Of course, I know not every one is the same but just knowing it could have been a possibility would have been nice.

But she did say sorry it was dragging out and I just said that's fine, as long as I know it isn't abnormal I am fine with it. It still stinks that I have to wait even longer now to start my next round but my main fear was that this was not normal and something was wrong......yet again.

I am really curious to see if any of you out there have had something similar happen while on injects. I've read about cycles getting stopped due to some issue but don't remember any extra long cycles being associated with it. This might be the longest cycle I've ever had other than when I was pregnant, so it's is definitely one for the books!

I turn 37 next week, what a birthday present it will be if I get AF and can start a new cycle!

Pregnant........or Not Pregnant? That is the Question!

2009-02-12T22:40:00.003-05:00

I am on CD 25 today and AF has not shown up yet. That is not weird but what is strange is how much I was spotting last week and how it just stopped earlier this week, out of nowhere. Usually I spot for at least a day or two before AF so something should normally show up any minute now.

I am trying not to nit pick at every little thing I'm feeling right now but I am just so anxious to find out one way or another. The wait is not so bad for the first week, but the second week is h e double hockey sticks.

Luckily I am going away for the weekend with DH for Valentine's Day and I'm bringing a few HPT's so I can test by Saturday if AF still hasn't shown up. So I might come back from my mini-getaway with good news or I'll be aggravated but happy to start a new round of meds.

I hope everyone has a great Valentine's Day and that you can think about and be with all the people in your life that love you. I know I will.

Cycle Interrupted

2009-02-01T13:22:00.003-05:00

Well, to make a long story short, this cycle is pretty much a bust as far as an IUI goes. I guess my ovaries reacted a little too well to the injections. I had at least 3-4 follicles at maturation and my estrogen levels were so high that there would have been a big risk for high order multiples.

My doc brought up a good point about multiples - I told him I was okay with it unless it was 8 like that woman in CA that has been on the news and he said well if something like that were to happen you may have to make a choice to keep some or not. He also said that with my history of fibroids, loss, and the septum that it would be even riskier for me to get pregnant with multiples. I guess that makes sense, it is just hard for me to think realistically about multiples when I have been trying so hard to get pregnant for over 2 years and I'd just be happy to see the 2 pink lines.

So, we have opted to not trigger and just try on our own since all those follicles probably won't drop all at the same time without the trigger. I guess our chances are still much better than when we were trying on our own but it is kind of a bummer that we couldn't do an IUI this cycle.

The one thing I feel good about is that my ovaries reacted extremely well and if we can just get the dose and timing a little better we will have a really good chance.

Tonight I'm going out to my favorite rib place with DH to watch the big game, pig out and hopefully win a prize or something. I'm from Chicago so I am used to rooting for underdogs which is why I'm rooting for Arizona tonight - go Kurt Warner! :)

What a Day!

2009-01-29T20:09:00.003-05:00

It took me just about 2 hours to drive to the doctor's office this morning. Most of the roads here still were not plowed (and still aren't) and even on the highway there was a layer of ice and snow that slowed down traffic to maybe 10 miles an hour. Luckily once I got to the city limits, the road was clear - I guess they only have money for plowing in the city here, not in the suburbs!

Anyway, I was just excited to have made it to my doctor's office and they took me in right away, taking my blood again, and the doctor came in to see me within minutes. He didn't say exactly how many follicles I had but it looked like I had 3 or 4 on the left and at least 4 on the right. On the left I had 1 or 2 follicles at 17 mm and on the right there was 1 at 21, I was shocked! He said everything looked great, including my lining and that we could trigger tonight and do the IUI on Saturday.

Believe it or not I got to work in a jiffy because most of the roads were pretty good but I think the main difference was that most of the rush hour cars were gone!

This afternoon I was away from my desk for about an hour and when I returned I had thought about the fact that I had that blood taken, so I checked my voice mail and there was a message from the doctors office. They said that my estrogen levels were a tad high and that I will have to hold off on the trigger now and come in for another appointment tomorrow. UGH! I was so upset! I called back and they pretty much said exactly the same thing, to hold off on the trigger, and we scheduled an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.

I asked a friend of mine that is going through IF too what exactly this meant for my cycle and she said that it means that I could have more than one mature follicle and could mean multiples (bring it on!) so if my levels are still high tomorrow they will not do an IUI.

I understand why they would put the brakes on and half expected this first month to be "practice" but I was just looking forward to IUI day and the possibilities so I'm pretty bummed.

There is a chance at least that in my appointment tomorrow they will say my estrogen has gone down to normal and we can move forward and just do the IUI on Sunday. (I'm pretty sure they have a few hours on Sunday) If we can't do an IUI we'll just have to try like crazy on our own.

Keep your fingers crossed for me, I'll update tomorrow night!!

Stalled...for today

2009-01-28T22:06:00.003-05:00

So we got hit really bad here with an ice storm and more than 6 inches of snow in the past two days. Our city was pretty much on lockdown (even though I still had to go to work??) and because the plows just haven't been out to salt or plow the roads, I had to cancel my doctor appt for today and re-schedule for tomorrow morning. (The RE's office is approx. 15 miles away from my work) I am just hoping the streets are clear by then - last time I looked out my front door, our streets were still full of snow and ice even though it stopped snowing about 9 hours ago now.

The RE office also told me to just take my normal dose tonight so I'm officially out of meds now. I just hope everything shows up good tomorrow and that we plan to trigger tomorrow (Thurs) night, then do the IUI on Saturday.

For the most part the shots have been okay but now I am a little bruised on my left side (which is my bad side in general) and I'm honestly starting to get a bit sick of sticking myself. Of course I would continue to do it every day if it led me to the end result of a baby!

I'm just ready to get to the IUI and feel that hope / craziness of the 2WW......

More news tomorrow hopefully!

Grow Follies, Grow!

2009-01-24T16:09:00.003-05:00

Today was my follow up RE appointment and it went pretty well. I had my blood drawn and then had to wait about 30 minutes to see the doctor, I guess he was running late because of a last minute embryo transfer. He finally came in and everything turned out good, he said my ovaries looked like they were in really good shape and from what I could tell on the screen I thought they looked good as well.

I have 3 follicles on each side. On the left side they are between 7 & 8 mm and the right side looks even better with one "beautiful" follicle at 11 mm already! Seems like things are developing really well!

He told me to just continue my doses the same way - 1 day at 187.5 IU's, 1 at 150, etc. - until Tuesday then my next appt is Wednesday and most likely we will do the insemination on either Friday or Saturday which is what I was thinking it would be so that's good.

DH & I stopped to eat lunch close to the doctor's office, then on the way home I got a phone call. I was like uh oh but the nurse at the doctor's office said my blood test was fine although Mr. RE thinks we should lower the dose to just doing 150 IU's every day. I was relieved nothing else was wrong and 150 seems like it will still do the trick just fine.

So far so good, keep growing follies!!

Learning my new meds......

2009-01-21T21:55:00.005-05:00

I had my baseline appointment with Mr RE today - I was nervous, anxious, excited and also just wanting to get it over with. I had to wait 10 minutes which is unusual but they were really busy. Mr. RE said I was a "blast from the past" since I haven't seen him since July. :) He quickly checked and said my ovaries both look good and I can start on my Go.nal F pen tonight. yay!

The one nurse spent about 10 minutes with me (I had new insurance kick in 1/1) and she had a pen there and showed me exactly what needed to be done. Basically it's almost exactly like the O.vdrl except the tip is a bit different because it's disposable and you have to make sure you turn it to the right dose for the day.

Even though it looked easy I was a little nervous about doing it tonight. But I followed all the directions (the pharmacy included a big booklet about all the types of injections and very clear step by step instructions) and I had everything I needed - the pharmacy also sent me alcohol swabs, a sharps container, and gauze pads! (I guess those are the "extras" when you spend $1000 in cash because your insurance doesn't cover meds!)

I followed all the instructions and I was totally shocked - in a good way - because it didn't hurt at all and was SOOO easy! It is so much easier when you actually pinch your skin (or handles in my case!) which I wasn't doing before with the HCG shot. I'm sure after doing it a few days in a row I'll be sick of it but overall it wasn't a big deal at all.

Now I am just waiting to see how / if any of the side effects will hit me.

I had to take 187.5 IU's tonight, then 150 tomorrow and back to 187.5 on Friday. Then I go back to the doctor on Saturday for bloodwork and another U/S to see how things are developing.

So we'll see how it goes, hopefully lots of follies will start working their magic!

And so it begins......a new cycle!

2009-01-19T21:53:00.003-05:00

AF showed up today! I haven't been this excited about seeing her in over 2 years. LOL So I called the RE's office and setup my baseline appt which is on Weds.

I also had the nurse order my meds, she read off my phone number and DH's phone number too and said that the pharmacy would call me by the end of the day. Well, 7 pm came and I still hadn't received a phone call so I was debating - should I just wait until tomorrow to call the RE's office again or should I find the pharmacy's phone number and call them? Of course I found their number online and called the pharmacy tonight, I just couldn't wait. Good thing too, they said that the reason they hadn't called is because my phone number wasn't on the prescription! Geez, I usually don't have issues with the nurses in the office but this one girl I keep getting on the phone gives me attitude and now she almost screwed up my cycle. I think she is probably new, I've never had issues before.

Anyway, I am really excited to start a new assisted cycle, it's been way too long, 7 months since my Lap / surgery and 8 since the last IUI. I'm sure I'm going to be sick & tired of all the appointments and meds in about a week, but for now I am hopeful and excited!

I am not patient but.......

2009-01-16T21:37:00.003-05:00

A blog I follow -http://babydancings.blogspot.com/ - had a link to this test so I thought I would give it a try. I am not very patient at all (my husband & brother could definitely attest to that) but I do agree that I will keep trying to understand something until I master it. Especially TTC!

Your rainbow is intensely shaded white, violet, and yellow.

What is says about you: You are a joyful person. You appreciate beauty and craftsmanship. You are patient and will keep trying to understand something until you've mastered it. People depend on you to make them feel secure.

Find the colors of your rainbow at spacefem.com.

Not Much to Say

2009-01-12T21:56:00.003-05:00

I don't have much to post about lately. AF is due next week (around Tuesday) and I'll have my baseline a day or two after that, then I start injections.

So I'll have a ton more to write about, probably for the next few months. (But hopefully not if I get pregnant right away!)

Hope From Above

2009-01-03T17:26:00.008-05:00

My father passed away almost exactly 4 years ago. January 24th of 2005 was the day that forever changed my life. My father raised my brother & I by himself since I was 13 years old (my mother took off - long story) so even though he struggled for many years, I, especially now as an adult, appreciate all that he went through to make sure we had what we needed to be happy.

Recently I was going through my family pictures so I could share some of them with my brother since I have them all in a big box. I found something that I took from my father's apartment a few days after he passed away, when we were cleaning out everything. It is a poem, one that my grandmother copied from somewhere, wrote down, and gave to my father many years ago to give him hope. He had been in and out of hospitals all of his life, since he was 5 years old, and my grandma was always there for him.

Reading it now, it is a bit ironic that I am now also looking at it as an inspiration to keep going, like I know he did. I am pretty spiritual but I often question my faith. Times like these though make me feel like he is still watching over and protecting me, like he always did. I miss you dad.

I hope to be half the parent that he was to me one day soon to my own child / children. I hope you find inspiration in this too:

Don't quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will
When the road you are trudging seems all uphill
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must but don't you quit
Life is queer with its twist and turns
As every one of us sometimes learns
And many a failure turns about when he might have won
Had he stuck it out
Don't give up though the pace is slow
You may succeed with another blow
Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems far
So stick to the fight when you are hardest hit
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit

- Anonymous

Holidays and Getting Ready for Injections

2008-12-30T23:13:00.007-05:00

Gotta love the holidays! I know I've been slacking on my blogging lately but I've been lazy. :) I admit, I have been reading blogs but just haven't felt like taking the time to write about anything.

My Christmas was good. This was the first year I've ever NOT celebrated with my family. It was too difficult for us to drive in to Chicago this year because of work and the days that the holiday fell on. So DH and I just stayed home, relaxed, cooked a big meal, and went to the movies. It was nice even though I missed spending the time with family.

On the IF front, I had a 25 day cycle last month, VERY short for me since I am usually very on time at 27 or 28 days. Not to mention that AF came on Christmas - what a present! I don't mind a short cycle so much because that just gets me to my next assisted cycle all that much faster. But another part of me is wondering what the heck is going on although it could be my body's way of recovering after the cycle on F#mer@. Hopefully that's all it was anyway.

I called the RE's office on CD 2 and asked them what I needed to do to get ready for my first injectable cycle. They said I really don't need to do anything but call on CD 1 and they will schedule my baseline U/S and order my prescription from their pharmacy (I didn't know they had one) and overnight me my meds. So now I'm worried - what if I don't get them in time, I don't want to wait another cycle after that! The meds will cost between $600 - $800! Hopefully they do the job or if they don't I'm hoping they last more than once cycle since my insurance does not cover any meds. (Of course!)

Have any of you had your doctor order meds through their own pharmacy and if so did you really receive them overnight?

For NYE tomorrow, we are going to a friends house - she is an IF-er as well and just had foot surgery so we are going to just play video and board games. Lately that's a lot of fun for me, I am really getting into video games for some weird reason. It is just an easy way for me to relax I guess after working so many hours and thinking about all this IF stuff.

I hope everyone has a very safe but fun New Year's! I don't know about you but my main wish for 2009 (other than the obvious) is to take care of myself again. It is easy to get stuck in a rut and I want to spoil myself this year, as much as I can anyway! I'm going to get back to exercising and I haven't had a manicure or pedicure in a long time so I'd like to take care of that soon too. Hopefully I can keep it up past January...

A Boring Weekend & A Sad News Story

2008-12-12T22:45:00.007-05:00

It's been a super busy week, with my job being so busy and with all types of holiday parties - mine, my husband's, and even a friend's who invited me to her spectacular work party. As much as I love this time of year, I have been on full speed and I am just looking forward to a weekend of not doing much but relaxing.

On a side note, I am consumed with sadness for little Caylee, the story has been all over the news so I'm sure you know who I'm talking about. It just makes me sick to my stomach to think that anyone could do something so terrible to someone that little with no chance to defend herself. Of course, we don't know for sure if it's her yet or what happened exactly, but it's looking like it is probably her. And the fact that it could be her mother who did it is just sickening to me - give her to someone who can take care of her, there are plenty of us that would do that in a heartbeat! It's just a sad situation all around. I feel for those grandparents & other family members, they must be going through hell right now.

Have a good weekend everyone, I am going to enjoy my boring weekend very much!

A Break and Hope for What is to Come

2008-12-04T21:50:00.003-05:00

So, AF showed up on Monday, 1 day early, yay. At least she showed up early, that helps me get through another cycle faster and on to assisted cycles faster.

DH and I decided to try to give ourselves a complete break from trying for this cycle and the next one. The one after that, sometime in mid-January, will be our first assisted cycle in about 8 months and it will be injections + IUI. I think by taking time off now and just enjoying the holidays, I will be even more excited to try an assisted cycle and less stressed about it which is always good. And overall I just need a break, it seems like even when we are not "trying" we still have it in the back of our heads.

My Thanksgiving weekend was very hectic but good. I was able to see a lot of family and friends, some that I haven't seen in awhile which was very nice. I even got to meet my friend's new baby who is already 3 months old. My friend "J" had infertility issues for awhile and had a miracle story when she became pregnant with her son. Basically she only has 1 ovary and I think some other issues and her doctor put her on a very high dosage of drugs. The dosage was so high that she had gone to the hospital one night for pains and they said she was on her way to a heart attack (at 37!) if she didn't get off the drugs right away. So basically her & her husband started to make plans to move on with their life as a childless couple and while she was planning a surgery for her knee Bam! the doctor said she can't have surgery because she is pregnant.

I have never met a mother that was so ecstatic over being a mother. It really is true that once you go through the pain of infertility, you really appreciate it so much more when it finally happens to you. I am very happy for her and stories like hers truly give me hope that I will be in her place one day.

Thankful

2008-11-26T21:58:00.005-05:00

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

I am getting ready to drive home to Chicago for a fun-filled weekend with both family and friends (on both sides of our family). I was thinking about the meaning of Thanksgiving and realized that I am thankful this year for many things.

Here are just the things I can think of off the top of my head, I am sure there are more:

- For my 3 year old cat who we adopted 11 months ago, she is adorable.

- For my house and the fact that I can do 2 loads of laundry while making a yummy cheesecake.

- For my new neice, Addison, who was born on October 9 and her big sister Lily - if I can't have my own, at least I can spoil my neices rotten!

- For my very good friends back home in Chicago. We all stick together through all of our ups and downs. My best friend went through a very painful divorce this year but is getting through it with the help of her family & friends and I know she has been with me through my ups and downs as well.

- For my small but loving family. I haven't been able to see them as much this year but miss them dearly.

- For my husband. He is my rock and keeps me level headed when I want to over-think things and get emotional. He also comforts me when I need comforting and has taught me things about myself that I never knew I had in me. He also doesn't blame me for my IF issues and is more positive about the future than I could ever be! I am so very thankful for my husband.

- For my husband's family. They are more like me than him (at least his siblings) and told me that if we ever split up, they get to keep me. :) They are wonderful and have always felt like my own family. I just wish I could see them more often too.

I have a lot to be thankful for!

Happy Thanksgiving to all of my fellow Americans out there in the IF world. I hope you can relax, eat, and forget about IF for a day or two. I know I will!

Thoughts on Loss and Moving On

2008-11-23T21:46:00.010-05:00

Not a lot is going on from a fertility standpoint since we are in the two week wait right now. But I've been thinking a lot recently about my m/c and how difficult it was.

I can honestly say that it was one of the biggest shocks of my life, getting that news last October. I've been through a lot in my life and there are a few things that are probably ranked as more significant, but the day I found out about my m/c is probably one of 2 or 3 days in my life that I'll remember forever. This was to be my last appointment with my RE and I was almost into the "safe" trimester finally, I was so close!

In the following weeks, I went through a natural m/c which I don't think I would do again for a couple reasons but mostly because it seemed to go on forever, it was early November before I started a new cycle. Also, my husband and I also lost our beloved cat Dexter of 18 years. (My husband's cat but I grew to love him) He was sick for months with renal failure, but was still okay (in fact his comfort to me in those days was something I'll always remember) until about 5 days after I got my news. All of a sudden he just stopped doing things, couldn't jump anymore and he lost all his senses. We had to take him in and they suggested putting him down. At that time we just couldn't do it yet, we were too emotional and decided to wait a few days. But 2 days later we realized how much pain he must have been in and took him in. We were there for his final moments and it was super tremendously difficult.

I don't think I acknowledged to myself how much I was hurting for a long time after that. I think once a little time passed I thought okay, I'm good now. But something like that stays with you and I don't think I started to realize that it was still there until just recently. It's easy to hold in your feelings about infertility since it isn't considered a medical condition and people get uncomfortable talking about it and say stupid things to you that do the opposite of comfort you.

I'll never be completely healed from that pain but I do feel now that I'm in a place to start thinking about the future and possibilities again which is promising.

My thoughts are with anyone else who has had to go through this pain too. May we always remember the ones we lost while looking to the future and the hope it brings.

Now Who's Pregnant?

2008-11-18T21:07:00.011-05:00

Yesterday we had an after work gathering to celebrate the end of audit season. Only about 20 people showed up. My company is going through some major restructuring and a lot of things are up in the air right now and well, let's just say that morale isn't all that great right now. I work in HR and even my morale isn't that great but I try to stay positive, at least until I get home and vent to my hubby.

Anyway, I decided to stop by the restaurant where we were having the celebration to let off some steam and allowed myself one rum and coke which is one of my favorite drinks, yum. Luckily I stopped at one though because the talk for some reason kept going to who is pregnant in our company. I found out about 2 people that were pregnant that I didn't know about and the subject kept coming up, even from people that I'm pretty sure know some of what I'm going through to get pregnant.

It's just something I really didn't expect to hear away from work, even at a work party. It's amazing how the subject always seems to come up lately. I thought my bitterness about it had gone away since my Lap in June. For the most part I've been able to not let these things get to me but every now and then I still twinge at the sight of someone pregnant or hearing about someone on their 4th when I can't even hold onto 1.

I know it will all change in an instant when I get that BFP, but for now I have to get used to that pang since I don't think it will go away completely until that happens.

Following Directions

2008-11-16T11:09:00.004-05:00

This morning I gave myself the Ov$drl shot and even though I've taken it 5 or 6 times now, it still felt like the first time. See, I usually give it to myself in the upper leg because the nurse in my doctor's office told me I could do it there if the stomach makes me uncomfortable. But a friend of mine that is going through IF too said she thinks the stomach hurts less and I always seemed to have issues with the leg as far as pain or feeling like I didn't get it in there right. Plus, if I'm going to start injectibles soon, I have to get used to this so I thought what the heck, I'll try it in the stomach this time.

After pricking myself twice, I finally got it into a good spot and found that if I lean the needle at a 45 degree angle (like it says to do) it hurts much less going in. So my belly is red in three spots but I completed my task and now we just have to BD for the next few days to make this happen.

If it sticks this time, I won't have to think about needles, at least not giving them to myself anyway. Yeah, right, like I haven't thought that before!

Watching the Rain

2008-11-15T19:47:00.001-05:00

As I was sitting around watching the rain fall today and reading some of my favorite infertility blogs, I decided that it was time I started my own blog. I have always enjoyed writing and I have always kept some sort of diary, but over the past few years I have been slacking. I don't know if I'll be as good at this as many of you fellow bloggers out there, but I need some sort of outlet for all that I have been going through in the past two years. My friends and my husband have been wonderful support for me, but no one gets it quite like someone who is going through it themselves, or has been through it in the past. So I thought I would use this blog as not only a venting arena but hopefully to make some virtual friends as well.

Right now, my husband and I are trying a month of Femera and Ovidrel on our own, without the IUI, to mostly save money until we are ready for our first cycle of IUI + injectibles. I had a LAP and Hysterscopy in June where they found and resected my uterine septum (and untangled my left tube) and even with insurance, that half a day outpatient surgery cost us $3,800 out of our pocket. I've been on my husband's insurance and while it isn't terrible, it doesn't cover ANY thing coded as infertility and surgery is covered at 70%. So I've tallied it up in my head and we have spent at least $7,000 this year out of our pocket in infertility costs alone!! Unbelievable. Luckily my insurance through work covers up to a max of $5,000 lifetime for infertility and I am switching to that as of January 1, so I am looking forward to starting on injectibles for the first time either at the end of December or mid January.

I am going to use the Ovidrel tomorrow so I can O by Monday night and then there is the lovely 2 WW which I haven't really had to worry about in a couple of months. That is always the longest 2 weeks but since we are on our own this month, my hopes are not as high as they would be for an assisted cycle. I am actually really looking forward to seeing my doctor again (I have an excellent RE and feel like we've been through a lot together, LOL) and going through an assisted cycle since I know my chances will be much higher on injectibles. I got PG previously on my first Cl0mid cycle and now that the septum is gone I have high hopes that something will stick before I have to go to IVF. But I am only going to do 2 - 3 assisted IUI cycles before taking a break and going to IVF, I am almost 37 and don't have a lot of time.......

That's a little bit about me right now, I am going to watch the rain again and hope that it doesn't turn into snow anytime soon!